I’m addicted to doing stuff. For those of you who know me really well, this comes as zero surprise. I like doing things, and I like doing lots of things all at the same time. I don’t necessarily mean multitasking, but I do mean having lots of projects–lots of so-called irons in the fire. This means that there are two types of people I really get along with extraordinarily well.
The first type of person is the willing follower. They are someone with talent and energy, looking for a cause and a leader. If someone has passion, desire, energy, and a plan, even if it’s a hand-wavy, sketchy plan, they hop on board. The other type of person is a fellow doer. Fellow doers tend to have a bunch of projects, and they want other people to hop in. They’re not necessarily looking for those same sorts of followers. They’re happy to have their plans collide with other people. When these plans collide, newer, more interesting plans take shape. It’s less of a car crash style collision and more of a spiral galaxies colliding. Eventually, when the dust settles, they become a bigger, more beautiful, more intense galaxy but on less galactic timescales.
This post is not about doing stuff. It’s about the opposite of doing stuff. It’s about just vibing. I’ve mentioned to friends that I’m pedantic and settled in my ways. I hated the word “blog” for years. I now use it. It is part of the common vernacular. I disliked “vibe” up until probably about a week ago. Vibe just felt like a word that didn’t fit in anywhere in my life. I was a doer. I wasn’t a viber. I didn’t vibe, given recent circumstances in my life. Many of you will find this hilarious; if you do not, we’ll just leave that part of history for the moment.
An interesting thing happens when doers get together. Things tend to accelerate; they tend to become what you might describe as a virtuous cycle. I believe that is the opposite of the death spiral–a positive, self-reinforcing loop that causes more good things to happen over and over again. On some level, this doesn’t quite happen with traditional followers in search of a leader. You are the source of their energy, and you burn out depending on what you’re doing. None of these things are suited for general text. I have been described by those hopping on my bandwagon as an energy cannon, a never-ending source of intensifying energy. But when you get together with other doers who are also doing, creating, and starting, you wind up with this thread of starting projects and this desire to continue to do things together even if it’s simply to start things that may or may not ever come to completion.
The subject is vibing.
The only way these relationships remain stable over time is if you are both comfortable simply not doing in one another’s presence. If you are comfortable having a day when you are not caught up in your “doer” energy, you can find balance. That’s when you know it’s sustainable. And you know the other person is your friend, partner, lover, or dedicated ally when they appreciate and care about you when you are in full energy cannon mode and when they themselves are identical or at their most energetic, especially when neither of you has the energy to make any of it happen because of distractions, illness, life circumstances, or otherwise.
In short, while you are both comfortable just vibing together, you can be a powerhouse but also know that the connection does not depend on that. There is certainly a major allowance for humanity–the idea that you are, at any given moment, only human.
Those who are close and spend time with me have often heard me quote the lyrics of Always by Andy Grammer, which, of course, are hilariously transcribed incorrectly by both Apple and Spotify:
Gonna love all the versions Of yourself that you’ll try Let you go through your phases Cheer you on from the side And the sweetest thing is just knowing that you’ve got love From the short, short list of people in it for the long haul.
Ultimately, finding a balance between being a doer and just vibing is essential in any relationship, whether it’s a friendship, partnership, or romantic connection. It’s about understanding that while you both may be powerhouses when you are in “doer” mode, it’s also essential to appreciate each other and allow room for humanity when life circumstances or distractions require you to take a step back and just be present.
(Was there awkward wording? Did two paragraphs not connect properly? Are there spelling mistakes? Hit me up and let me know. I am publishing all of these with minor editing, after using voice transcription to prevent myself from being stuck in editing hell. Because I have a stack of 50 or more blog posts that I’ve just never published because I will edit them with a passion that would make George Lucas’s tinkering with the Star Wars original trilogy look like child’s play.)